Quiet contemplation

O, the comfort -- the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person,
Having neither to weigh thoughts,Nor measure words
but pouring them right out -- just as they are
Chaff and grain together,
Certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them
Keep what is worth keeping
And with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

-- Friendship, Dinah Craik

Its important every so often to just stay very still...calm your mind and spirt..and listen to the absolute silence around you. Coz that's when you hear yourself..the thoughts you dind;t know were percolating within, or the ones you wouldnt otherwise even think out loud..perhaps this is the time when answers (to prayers) or solutions to ur latest preoccupation or any kind of inspiration is revealed to you..and it dsnt take much to miss it. It could be anything, your conscience or God's voice or your own inner being - whichever pleases you- be still, be calm, at peace with yourself and u just might hear it...Or maybe it dsnt require that much effort afterall..Perhaps we should just be comfortable talking to/with ourselves (or God) and we might just be able to make it a part of our existance, daily routine which we rarely give that much thought to.
Ive been thinking, so often we're so busy trying to fill our days and moments with activities (i for one am guilty of this) and sometimes our need to communicate with everyone else is just so great that the silence in between is heavy and most disturbing (guilty as charged, again) i personally feel uncomfortable when there's a prolonged silence or lack of activity/interaction etc. Probably indicative of a restless spirit?Maybe. If only we cld draw the line between being passive and detached and not meddling with the random forces or altering the natural course of 'the plan' (some divine plan that we must have faith in, for hope, afterall,is all we have)..and knowing when to get into action mode, be proactive and take life in ur own hands. Then again, being still and peaceful might just be you being dormant and inert and very disillusioned.
It's not about being spiritual or to meditate or anything like that...i've always been amazed by the crocodile's ability to lie so still...sooo incredibly still that potential prey don't even realise it's a potential and tremendously potent threat until its too late. Hard to say it's meditating or praying...and one could hardly attribute a soul to crocs, certainly not when it stays soo still only to pounce on its meal with astonishing force and speed...but hey who's any authority on who/what has a soul or doesnt right.
Crocs are such fascinating creatures...
So I digress ...well anyway, this has just been me thinking out loud...
Rest assured, ive not exactly attained nirvana or anything, and my computer chair is no bodhi tree...nowhere close...just happens to be a particularly still night - well its almost dawn now- have run out of music to play and there's noone on msn.So its q.u.i.e.t. So i decided to let myself hear me think.
Incidentally, its been said that when u start to hear voices in ur head, its evidence enough that you're losing the plot, in other words, going stark mad.
How interesting. Rather ironic too.

....And then there was silence.....

So long and thanks for all the fish

Funny how things worked out in the end..I actually made it to the airport and waved till i saw the last of them...i dind't even think i'd have a chance to pop in to her home and say bye to my best friend who's just gotten married and is now probably on the flight to the uk, where she's moving to, for good. I'm used to her coming and going and each time i tell myself its no big deal coz shes gonna be back in a month (3 max) anyway...this time round, however its impossible to console myself with that thought. She will be back in 3 months im quite certain of that, coz her parents wld want her home..but that isnt the issue...the irreversible change here is the fact that she's married. We've all been so preoccupied and busy with the wedding that we underestimated the concept of her being married...which of coz is a life altering event so one can never be prepared for how it hits you..It's not necessarily a bad kinda change..no need for pessimism and melodrama and too much melancholy.its a good thing, and im very happy for her. but im just human and there's jst a tiny part of me that's not exactly..embracing this erm..development.But hey noone said we had to luv every single change in our life, important thing is gettnig used to it anyway right. I'm not hoping to be best friends with the husband overnight..but overtime i think we might become friends and i just hope we'll have that kinda time on our side.
I don't think im losing my best friend..ive just got to accept that things will definitely change and they already have..i can't call her room any time of the morning & night like i used to..i cldnt just walk in and plop myself on her bed...i cldnt lounge around like it was my room as much as it was hers..perhaps theyre all self-imposed restrictions and i dont have to be so finicky..but in this area, i'd rather err on the side of caution..maintaining a respectable distance i think is the best way to maintain close relations...
It was so bizarre and surreal being at the airport..especially when i wasnt intending to go - a rather deliberate decision on my part.But i guess i just went with the flow, there was no time to think and entertain paranoia.. and perhaps it was just meant to be that way...thanks to dv for his impulsive move to jump into the car and get me in as well. I'm so glad he did. Like he said, its some kinda closure.
Its probably no big deal at all...and perhaps i sound like a teenage drama queen...but its hard saying goodbye..when there's sooo much that's been left unsaid,and you dont know where to begin...when you're not sure what u can and should say ...whn ur wondering when u might actually get ur chance to say it all...when your both wondering if the days of reckless abandon, of sharing every single insignificant detail and analysing every bit of some incident are over...when she looks at you funny and hugs you like neither one of us wants to let go. its hard saying goodbye..but well life goes on..and times like this its important to put things in perspective.
It is perhaps not goodbye, but take care and its just a matter of time till we meet again. Sure things will change..for what's left if not for change..but hey...somethings will always remain and that i will cherish...
"How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to."- Unknown
I beleive i should punctuate my life with commas and .... instead of fullstops..so there's always something more to come and nothnig ever reallly is the end.
"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning."
so lavs...here's wishing you a glorious married life....and in honour of all the evenings- all those yrs ago, when we were 12 and clueless- that we spent browsing in bestsellers bookshop in gardens, (THE highlight of our happening social lives)
"so long and thanks for all the fish."
We didint know it then, but i guess we were always meant to have lasted this long.
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be. "--Douglas Adams

ps : she's probably gonna kill me for this pic - but i cldnt's resist!

Bored enough

Why im doing this
1) I'm bored enough
2) I've been tagged & and i'm a tag-abiding individual *smirks at yogajunkie*

Seven things I hope to achieve before I die :
1)Learn Indian Classical vocal
2)Learn Hindi
3)Become skinny...ok fine..just lose SOME weight.
4)Publish - short story,poem,book,my phd thesis...anything!
5)Discover some phenomenon- a real research breakthrough
6)Look back & be happy about my life
7)Be able to enjoy being silent and alone.
Cant resist no 8) Learn cooking

Seven things I can do
1)Write
2)Sing (in the shower & when i'm positive noone's listening)
3)Have all-niter phone conversations
4)Be painfully honest & brutally frank (contrary to common belief)
5)Make polite conversation for pretty long till i almost die of boredom
6) Laugh at the most inappropriate situations
7) Go without sleep for a few nights in a row

Seven things I can’t do
1)Public Speaking
2) Lie without my face betraying me
3) Stifle my laughter/Keep a straight face when i most need to
4) Bring stuff close to my eyes, like contact lenses
5) Sit cross legged
6)Dance
7) stop buying earrings

Seven things that attract me to people of the opposite (and same) sex
1) Good naturedness/genuinity - it shows on the face
2) Being comfortable with themselves and others
3) Common courtesy/manners/chivalry
4)Thoughtfulness
5)Intellect/Wit
6) Intrinsic Calmness
7)Warm Smile that reaches the eyes

Seven things that scare me
1) ok im not thaaaaaaat bored. Sides this requires more thinking than i'm prepared to do now...and if i go down this lane, i'm gonna end up reminding myself about things that scare me and hence end up feeling disturbed. now why would i wanna do that?!

Seven things i say the most
1)Sheesh
2)Damn
3)Shoot
4)Goondot
5)Toad
6)Don't be a twit
7)Really ah?!

Seven random things about me
1)I've taken carnatic music,bharatanatyam,violin & art classes (discontinued within 1 to 2 yrs) but can do none of the above.
2) My violin teacher ran away to India without telling me.
3)I don't really like kids
4)I fall asleep only after i turn on my belly
5)I luv bittergourd cooked in any form
6)I love dark chocolate & bitter coffee (not together)
7) Masala Tea is my favourite rainy-day drink

Seven tags go to
I dont know 7 ppl but the following ppl could do this coz i'm bored.
Mouldybaby
Yogajunkie
Nunbun
Whoever else is interested or bored enuff.