tense and aspect

i NEVER wanna hear those 2 words again in my life.
im just tired..and really can't wait for this experiment thingi to end..its fun in alot of ways and quite a learning experience but its just so exhausting!both ls and me are getting sick to death of it and i think we're at a point when the only thing keeping us going is the day we'll finish wiht this.
was pretty nice being back in sch today...felt a little strange initially, going back fr the 1st time as a non-student..and accompanying my sis fr the matric fair..going thru the same things i did 3-4 yrs ago..and just sorta reliving it, but as an ex-student, just felt weird.was lotsa fun today though...id like to go on and say why but it'll be about as convincing as me saying my favourite subject in a levels was econs. u get the picture.
anyway..i wanna go on but i can barely keep my eyes open...
till another day when its not way past midnight and when i dont hav to be up in 3 hours to deal with kids...

*groans*
cheers to better mood days ahead fr us all.

effect-ive

effect-ive
Originally uploaded by epiphobic.

Played around with the effects!Pretty cool eh!
:)

The end of the beginning

Felt so proud yesterday.of all of us.my friends,my family,my entire e-lang cohort.The spirit, the special bond,the warmth, it all seeped in, through the chaos, the fleeting familiar faces,the exhaustion, the HEAVY robe that left you drenched with perspiration,the shoe bites, the mortar boards that simply refused to stay in place,the anxiety of looknig for perpetually missing people, diffferent people taking turns to go missing at crucial points, sas throwing her mortar board over the centennial backdrop in her enthusiasm (talk about going overboard!).it was all so surreal..and now its just over.
or lets just say, as the valedictorian, from ELANG class may i add proudly, said.."this is not the end.not even the beginning of the end. its quite simply the end of the beginning"
It felt that way yesterday.saying bye was just so weird.like we were saying bye properly,and not the usual 'bye for now but i'll see you around campus' kinda farewell.i cldnt even say 'cya around' without wondering 'when??' to myself.even with my closes friends.after 4 yrs which we spent almost literally inseperable..knowing we're certainly going our own ways now.its always hard saying goodbye.but i'd like to think of it as not goodbye, but just "so long, till we meet again".
I think the pictures wld say so much more than i can here.

anti

The days have just been going by in a blur..too fast, too hazy and over even before it's started properly.Where u'r crashing with sheer exhaustion and wondering where the hell the entire day went.Where u know you owe at least 10 people either lunch,dinner,breakfast,tea or at least a phone call.Make that many phone calls.and emails.
Argh.
Dnt seem to have energy to do anything,not even stir from drowsy sleep to take a call or go online which i thought i'd always have energy for.I'm sleepy the minute i wake up, sleepy in the middle of the day,and sleepy again at night..maybe this is the revenge of the insomnia!Spend half my life unable to sleep and the rest of it unable to keep awake. But then again, i spend weeks at end having nothing to do, and doing nothing at all, and then all of a sudden out of nowhere, i'm thrust with what seems like everythnig and anything and too much to do, and too little time.
I hate feeling sleepy and cranky and crabby!
and the weather is perfect for an afternoon coze.
ok this is the kinda rubbish i come up with when im so NOT in the mood to blog.
How impressive.
And yet again i whine about the insignificant events in my life when so much is happening out there, life-altering events and experiences.
ok, yes, i shall go get a life. soon, after my nap.
till next time, this is rip-van-winkle the 2nd signing off.
ps : to all my friends who are trying to get me (holds a shield,esp when facing yogaj), my sincere and many apologies.I will er..get back to u..er...soon.

hope

Ive grown up hearing frm my mom that if u you want something SOO bad, you'd get it, maybe not now maybe not soon, and probably not when u expect it, but someday.as long as you persevere, keep wanting it with mind,soul and spirit, and work towards it, it will happen.
Ive spent my life (thus far) trying to reconcile that with the power of prayer.of detachment.whereby you abandon everything and throw yourself at the hands of god and the powers beyond/above us.There is the issue of control and agency and empowerment that i havent quite managed to reconcile though. There is the power of the subconscious mind which tells us to take agency in maknig our dreams/thoughts come true..and there is the other sch of thought about letting go and letting god - tho this probably shld be done after you've taken all the measures u need to, whatever is within your control. so when ds one know one has to take the bull by the horns and be all proactive and run for the bus that perhaps just started moving off...as opposed to taking the next one..and even when it comes to waiting for a sign..waht if you've missed the bus with the messiah in it and youre still waiting...
Im waiting for a sign and im not sure if theyre coming at me already, or if theyre staring me in the face and i'm looking beyond them....or if theyre just things im reading too much into. i'm still waiting and giving it thought.and praying for guidance coz i always do.and hopefully when a sign comes my way,i'll recognise it.
Right just had to get that out of the way.wasnt intending to write all that but i had to spill it to make way for the other thoughts to come through.

OK....

my bro just informed me abt the whole bomb thingi in london ...im still not yet over.....gosh that really shook me up- have good friends and family members there and i really freaked out..the friends are ok, thank god.....& to think it happened at a place so familiar to me, close to home even...managed to contact the friends and im thanking god everyone's ok, and i hope it all ends here....damn...our lives are so fragile, so ephemeral...i'm getting a horrible tingly feeling, what lavz recently described as the 'feeling of somene walking over your grave' - i'm not sure i understood it fully then, but it seems to say it for now.

its scares me, how much we take for granted, on a second to second basis...

and one second is all it takes , to make all the difference between life and death.

Im going to stop here now. and i wish & pray as i type these words, that people responsible for such atrocities all over the world, would say the very same thing to themselves.

Grow old with you

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do
is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice,
growing old with you

I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you
Feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man
who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

- The Wedding Singer

thoughts-a-bru-ing

In the mood for : Bru Coffee

I'm not usually a coffee person (give me masala tea anytime!) but i woke up thinking of bru coffee for some reason..Strange. I like their ads..Marketting is so important and there's something warm and fresh about those ads that appeals to all your senses.well,to mine anyway.
Finally feel like i've taken a step forward..in some vaguely promising direction.Its a good feeling.Fulfillment.actually,any kind of progress is a good feeling.Just a start,a seed,a shadow of a start can make such a difference and it can spur u on to keep moving. We're such sensitive creatures at the end of the day.
Starting to feel like there's a purpose of some kind to my existance and that's been priceless.Right now, got to focus on doing more,doing things well, and making space within the circle,no matter how small or confining it might see,its always possible to stretch the boundaries i guess.
Friends around are generally in better spirits and i think that makes a difference too.Or have i just got on rose-tinted glasses?You know how there are days when you're just feeling good,and blessed and fulfilled and nothing that goes wrong can take that feeling away from you..u take the schmuck ups in your stride..and yet there are the other days when you dwell on the closed door and shut the sunshine out from every little opening,window,and crack in the wall.
Today is one of the former kinda days & i hope it lasts for a while..and if someone puts the lights out again, i hope i'd find it in me, to walk around and find a tealight!
Till next time,
Attention missing person : earth-to-agentmouldy get thyself out of some mousehole in tas and get yourself online already!!
Note to all special chums : in ur own special ways, all of u are the tealights when the lights go out.Thank god for the little things.
Going for a wedding later!Yay!it's the 1st wedding that I'VE been invited to, the invitation card had my name on it and in a pathetic way it makes me feel older!there's this quote that springs to mind : "growing old is compulsory,growing up is optional"
Chew on that!
:P

Just realised its independance day..still remember the jothamarimojugs excitedly going to bugis for that movie, i think its the 1st movie i was allowed to go for with friends, and this was in sec 4!sad!Quite an experience i must say.
In conclusion, shall throw this in, just for good measure :
"We're fighting for our right to live, to exist. And should we win today, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice, "we will not go quietly into the night, we will not vanish without a fight... We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today, we celebrate... our Independence Day!"